20. Why I Am Agnostic

Ever since the day that I found the word "Agnostic" in the dictionary, I knew that was what I am when it comes to religion and the belief in God. I want to make clear what goes on in my head and what cause me to tick when every body else just doesn't see it.

Why do the good die young?
It is a common question that I wonder about. Billy Joel sings a song called "Only the Good Die Young," but why, if God is suppose to love everybody, decides that the good ones die young? I remember back in senior year of high school (2007), out student body president, Ozzie Vargas, died when his buckle malfunctioned when he was going across a river on a zip line and he came crashing down into some rocks below. The ironic part of that story was where it happened: A religious camping retreat.

You know, if God truly exists, surly he would have killed off every scientist who stands up for evolution over Creationism, surly he would have killed those Nazi's who went into hiding for their hideous crimes against humanity, but no, He kills Ozzie Vargas, a committed Christian and student body president who spent a lot of time doing charitable things. Here is the WRAL article.

Now there are some people that, if there is a God, he got to them before they became old. Most notably being John Lennon. It isn't that shocking because Lennon had songs against religion and if you are into the history of music, you will remember that gaffe of a statement while in The Beatles that he said "we're bigger than Jesus now," and the lines "imagine there is no Heaven/ no Hell below us," and ultimately in another song of his he defiantly says "I don't believe in Jesus." I can understand if this was God's work because of those statements, but this was a man of peace who was killed by Mark David Chapman, a religious fanatic who took those two lines in "Imagine" so seriously that he ended up murdering John Lennon.

Do things happen by coincidence or is there a reason?
This is the part that gets me thinking the hardest on whether or not there is some extraterrestrial-type spirit because of some events that have happened to my family recently. One being the death of my grandfather who I truly loved to death and was devastated when he passed away. When my mom went to bed that night after the funeral, she asked for a sign, she asked to be shown some deer in the morning in the yard to show that her father was safe and so she could feel secure knowing that he had a safe passage to the next life. Well, she did in fact see a deer the very next morning. My dad told me that she did that and what she told him when we went shopping the day of that morning. In all honestly, I feel happy about that sign and it does bring a different perspective when all you usually do is disbelieve anybody else say they received signs like that.

My grandfather was a man who was quietly religious. What I mean by quietly was that he never pressed any verses onto us and I knew that he read his pocket bible every night before bed. When he was in his last years and couldn't really do much except lay on the couch, my dad and I noticed he was reading some pamphlets called Our Daily Bread which was about how to prepare for the after, how you are to ready yourself for your journey from Earth to Heaven. I have a feeling I might be doing something similar to that in my later years...

Now I do think a lot of things happen out of pure coincidence and not because of reason.

Here is a video that makes me think of how I truly feel about religion:
(If you are religious and do not want to hear the song, the words are on the screen, so you can just mute it and read the words)

XTC- "Dear God"


If you are reading this, do something for me, don't pray for me, let me be the one that finds my answers, I don't need the extra help and maybe I have found my answers but I will not know until I grow older and wiser.