Whatever happened in 2008 will be gone and a distant memory as the year 2009 looms aroudn the corner. We all have those resolutions that don't stay true, but I have some of my own that I won't digress on here. Not sure what everybody else is doing tonight, but I am going to the Carolina Hurricanes game tonight, but I am still undecided on whether or not to go back to my friend's apartment for their party. I guess that decision will be made around game time. If not, I hope my parents didn't set off the spark fountains we have left over from Independence Day.
Well, I guess it was not meant to be. I believe I am at the point where I can talk to her, and I have tried at least twice. But the question is, should I try harder or let things go? I don't know what I feel about her any more, whether I like her or not like her because of what was said, it's almost a numb feeling. It's just that I don't want to have her talk to me about it when she is back in the cozy comforts of Appalachian State because then it will be too late and I am not willing to wait for her to come back only for her to back off once again.
But does this mean the friendship is over as well? It's been exactly two weeks since we last talked to each other. I just wish she should come out and tell me what this "horrible timing" thing is about because I would have completely understood if she told me that she was starting to like this other guy and that's why she was acting like she did. That would have been clear cut and I would have been fine with that and we could have gone on with our merry lives instead of just being told that she needs to stop talking to me because it makes her like me again and say "it just is." I just want to know the whole story and I have soothed to the point where I don't get mad and pissed off at the thoughts (its that numb feeling).
I guess in the time being, there are other fish in this massive ocean called singledom.
Let's get away from the religious stuff shall we? On to other matters...
I thought I was going to starting a new relationship this break, or at least just have fun hanging out with each other, but neither is happening and what was said made me incredibly angry and pissed off. The girl, I won't say her name, just going to keep it anonymous, and I met each other last summer. We talked to each other a lot and hung out almost once a week during that time. She told me that she liked me more than a friend, but I was still somewhat had feelings for my ex-girlfriend. Anyways, the stuff that went on during the summer has been already mentioned in another blog post. Well, I feel like I have moved on to the point that I can start a new relationship and was hoping to do so last fall break, but instead of hanging out on that Friday before break ended as planned, she ended up hanging out with her friends and I went to eat dinner at the Tangerine Cafe by myself which was a downer. Again, mentioned this in another post as well, different one though.
The Sunday before last, we were talking and she abruptly signed off of AIM, but came back, so no worries there. Later on after talking about various things that went on at her university before and she signed off again, but this time she didn't come back on. So I texted her to see if I said anything wrong and apologized if I did say anything to prompt her to leave. Well, not exactly what I said, it was that she needed to sign off and stop talking to me because the more she talked to me, the more she liked me and due some type of horrible timing, she has to stop in order to not let it happen, plus she thought it would be better if we didn't hang out. When she said "It Just Is," after I reply, all I could reply back was by saying "Fine." I haven't talked to her since, and I think that is a good thing because I can not think of what to say to her if she happened to start talking to me now because of how mad I am at her for this. Now I am sitting here wondering why she won't even just hang out. I am ready to get on with my life. I guess because she said "horrible timing," that there is someone else in mind and most likely at her university. That's fine as long as she doesn't talk to me about it because I feel like I have been snubbed after all this. I am willing to commit to a relationship with her despite the distance. I don't want to go through this whole break and have us be back at classes for her to tell me after all of this that she made a mistake and that we should have hung out and see what would have happened during winter break because I don't want to hear it. I have been stood up three times and can't take a fourth.
I know she sometimes reads these, which is fine because if she does, she knows how I fully feel and that I do see her online but I don't talk to her because of this. I don't want to be a jerk to her and this is as far as I want to go because I don't think I would hold back from how I feel if I was to talk to her directly.If she wants to hang out before break was over and see where it would go, as originally planned about a month before this whole ordeal, then I will be glad to accept.
As I have been debating in a friends blog post about my agnostic stance, hear me out: I am an agnostic on my own means because I have always questioned religion and the belief in a higher power, but I do not deny that there might be a higher power because things to happen without a reason, even though I believe in it being coincidental or pure luck instead of God or gods. But with that said, I can not say that maybe it wasn't the work of God, but I have the right to question if it was in my own mind and defend that action if contested.
And in the world we seem to be living today, I think being agnostic is the best thing for anybody to be because we are the one's that are not certain about what is beyond this life, but we want to know. We don't think (ok, maybe I don't think) it's right for someone to tell me or tell anyone that we live this life as preparation for the after life, I like to live life right now and would rather not want to wait. The same goes towards those atheists that just flat out say there is no heaven or hell and when we die, that's it. I myself would like there to be a heaven (and a hell, but I hope that I don't end up there if there is one) because I don't want to just die and that would be it. Here's where the agnostic part comes in; as I have said, I would like there to be a heaven, but we have always pointed to the sky and said the angels play among the clouds, yet we have been to space, which requires us to fly past the "heavens" as we all like to call it. Where is heaven then? That is an agnostic view because we know people have reported out of body experiences, seeing a white light, but there are those who have been brought back to life and never reported any of that.
We are the ultimate fence-sitters in the great religious debate.
Now remember, I am saying bought, not the best albums in 2008. It's the best albums I bought and listened to over and over, whether I bought it in a store or through iTunes.
Here it goes:
10. "Max Webster" by Max Webster- Great debut album. Tracks to listen to: "Here Among the Cats," "Toronto Tontos," "Coming Off the Moon," and "Lily"
9. "The End of Heartache" by Killswitch Engage- Powerful album, one of the great heavy albums of modern times. Tracks to listen to: "Rose of Sharyn," "Breathe Life," "Declaration," and "The End of Heartache"
8. "Days of the New" by Days of the New- One of the best acoustic bands since America. Tracks to listen to: "Touch, Peel and Stand," "Shelf in the Room," "The Down Town," "What's Left for Me?," and "Where I Stand"
7. "Rated R" by Queens of the Stone Age- Down tuned to the max! First of three, count 'em, three albums on this list. Tracks to listen to: "The Lost Art of Keeping A Secret," "Auto Pilot," "Monsters in the Parasol," and "In the Fade"
6. "Catch ThirtyThree" by Meshuggah- A muso's best friend! Full of polyrhythms and break neck riffs! Basically, the whole album is one song broken into 13 tracks. The sections one might listen to a lot are, "The Paradoxical Spiral," "In Death- Is Life," "Shed," and "Sum"
5. "Lullabies to Paralyze" by Queens of the Stone Age- The album is seen as a continuation of their previous release (you'll read it soon), but all around great stuff. Tracks to listen to are: "Medication," "Everybody Knows That You're Insane," "In My Head," "Little Sister," and "Skin On Skin"
4. "All Hope Is Gone" by Slipknot- Their best album yet! Each track represents a different style of metal and the solo's are mind-boggling. Tracks to listen to are: "Sulfur," "Psychosocial," "Dead Memories," "Gehenna," and "All Hope Is Gone"
3. "Songs for the Deaf" by Queens of the Stone Age- Awesome concept for an album, lets make the album as if you are listening to various radio stations on the way to a gig in the Mojave desert! It's how I like it, nice and heavy sounding. The is the album that precedes Lullabies to Paralyze. Tracks to listen to: "No One Knows," "First It Giveth," "Song for the Dead," "The Sky is Fallin'," "Hanging Tree," "Go With the Flow," "God is On the Radio," and "Song for the Deaf"
2. "Ain't Life Amazing" by Kim Mitchell- One of the best albums I have ever heard! Great for the start of summer. Not bad for an old rocker is it? Kim Mitchell was the lead guitarist and singer for Max Webster back in the 1970's. Tracks to listen to are: "Ain't Life Amazing," "Got a Line On You," "Love Overtime," "Space," and "In the Stars Tonight"
1. "Blackfield" by Blackfield- Fantastic album, but maybe not the best album to listen to when you are feeling down! But it is a very sonic and atmospheric piece of art rock. Tracks to listen to are: "Open Mind," "Blackfield," "Glow," "Scars," "Pain," "Summer," and "Hello"
Picking the top three was hard, and I even moved their spots alittle bit. I think out of all the songs from those ten albums, my favorite song off of any of them is "Love Overtime," by Kim Mitchell. Just a solid groove with an awesome complementing solo. It makes you feel good, and that's what I like about songs. Sort of ironic considering that I put Blackfield's self-titled album at number one because that album can get down right depressing to listen to! But it's constructed brilliantly and everysong hits the nerves that are suppose to be hit.
Maybe who ever reads this will post their own top 10! I can only hope...
[song]It's the most distressful time of the year...[/song]
It's a play on that Christmas song if you haven't noticed and it represents my current state because it seems unlike everybody else, I am not done with my exams, not anywhere close! While people are coming home for the holidays and relaxing, I have only one, one, exam done and three to go. Plus I have a paper due by Wednesday for my biology class before I take the final in there. I have been slaving all day today getting notes down and what not for my US History II class so I can be well prepared to take my exam on Monday and have only slightly started on my biology paper. I guess I will study some of my bio notes tonight before bed and call it a night.
I actually think this is the first time I have crammed (that's not a good thing) for finals.
Plus, it puts me in a bad mood at certain times during the day because everybody else is celebrating being at home or knows their grades for the semester while I have to spend long hours writing, typing, or reading. The worst part is that I haven't even gone Christmas shopping yet! I would like to get some of that gone and done with but because of these stupid exams I can't afford the time to go out.
When the 17th comes around, I will be able to take my third exam at seven in the morning and my fourth and final exam at six-thirty at night. It will be a pain in the ass but worth the aggravation. I can't wait for these bloody finals to be over!
...and he couldn't help me either. It's a lyric from The Who's "The Seeker."
To dive into what I want to talk about and before I do, I want to make it perfectly clear that I do not take, give, or endorse the use of the stuff I am going to talk about, but just my pure opinion. I believe in order to defeat the "War on Drugs," there must be one thing done: Legalization. AHHH! Did I shock you with what I said? I know that drugs have gotten way out of hand, we have the government cracking down on what is deemed illegal, people tweaking over chemical substances (and outright looking like morons might I add), and gangs using drugs as a source of power. Legalize drugs and you take away all the money spent on the man power and other resources used to "crack" down on offenders. You will also stop the gangs having so much power depending on how much drugs they can get their hands on. It won't stop gangs, but it will hit them where it hurts. Plus, for some an adverse effect will take affect: legalization means no more thinking you could get away with doing it and therefore people will not feel like they are defeating "the man."
Yes, drugs are stupid and if I had my wish they would be gone, but some of them like pot and cocaine occur naturally in nature and should be treat as just. Alcohol and cigarettes are legal and people get hooked on those, hell, cigarettes can give you cancer while one can develop cirrhosis from drinking too much. At least marijuana should be legal if cigarettes and alcohol are legal. Marijuana would be the cigarettes version of alcohol because of the affects it has (alcohol being the adult drink compared to soda and other soft drinks). Just saying that you can tax the stuff and it might help the nation out economically.
Dealers also have to find real jobs because there will be no use for them standing on a corner. Legalization takes away jobs that shouldn't be needed in the first place (legal or illegal) and causes people who want to be stupid enough to do any drug the privilege (not a right) to do so without interference. Sure there will still be Betty Ford clinic among other rehabs and people will still be charged for over doing it like when someone behaves after having a little too much to drink.
Legalization takes away a lot of problems, that's all i'm saying. I hate drugs myself and will never take them, but we have alcohol and cigarettes around and those are just as harmful.
It's December the eighth, we know that yesterday was the day that lived in infamy, but today is the other day that music died. I say other day because the first day that took the lives of Richie Valens, Buddy Holly, and the Big Bopper. Today was the day that two pioneers of rock music where taken away from the world: John Lennon and Pantera guitarist "Dimebag" Darrell Abbott. Both were murdered on December 8, but their murders where twenty-four years apart; John in 1980 and Dimebag in 2004. As we all know, John was murdered in front of the building his apartment was at by some crazed Christian guy would took the lyrics of "Image" with a couple cups a salt. Plus, I refuse to read Catcher of the Rye because it's Mark David Chapman's (the murderer) favorite book. With Dimebag though, its even more tragic. He was killed on stage! He was performing with his new band Damageplan out in Ohio when a crazed fan (the guy had schizophrenia) came on stage and shot Dimebag in the head during their first song. Luckily the police got there and blew a shotgun shell, killing the guy. This is a sad day for both the rock world and the metal world as well. There's no more that can really be said except to just listen to their music and reflect.
John Lennon- "Imagine"
Pantera- "Cemetary Gates"
Rest in Peace
John Lennon- October 9, 1940- December 8, 1980
"Dimebag" Darrell Abbott- August 20, 1966- December 8, 2004
A blog about events of a life from one person's point of view. Every once in awhile there will be personal rants about opposite views and what I think is somewhat slanting how we, as humans, think about things going on in the world and why we close up on some of the most liberating things.
I am 20 years old, originally from Niagara Falls, Ontario, but I have spent the majority of my life in North Carolina, but I have also lived in Arizona for four years. I want to be a history teacher, so lets hope for the best!
