30. I Had To Go See About A Girl

Let's get away from the religious stuff shall we? On to other matters...

I thought I was going to starting a new relationship this break, or at least just have fun hanging out with each other, but neither is happening and what was said made me incredibly angry and pissed off. The girl, I won't say her name, just going to keep it anonymous, and I met each other last summer. We talked to each other a lot and hung out almost once a week during that time. She told me that she liked me more than a friend, but I was still somewhat had feelings for my ex-girlfriend. Anyways, the stuff that went on during the summer has been already mentioned in another blog post. Well, I feel like I have moved on to the point that I can start a new relationship and was hoping to do so last fall break, but instead of hanging out on that Friday before break ended as planned, she ended up hanging out with her friends and I went to eat dinner at the Tangerine Cafe by myself which was a downer. Again, mentioned this in another post as well, different one though.

The Sunday before last, we were talking and she abruptly signed off of AIM, but came back, so no worries there. Later on after talking about various things that went on at her university before and she signed off again, but this time she didn't come back on. So I texted her to see if I said anything wrong and apologized if I did say anything to prompt her to leave. Well, not exactly what I said, it was that she needed to sign off and stop talking to me because the more she talked to me, the more she liked me and due some type of horrible timing, she has to stop in order to not let it happen, plus she thought it would be better if we didn't hang out. When she said "It Just Is," after I reply, all I could reply back was by saying "Fine." I haven't talked to her since, and I think that is a good thing because I can not think of what to say to her if she happened to start talking to me now because of how mad I am at her for this. Now I am sitting here wondering why she won't even just hang out. I am ready to get on with my life. I guess because she said "horrible timing," that there is someone else in mind and most likely at her university. That's fine as long as she doesn't talk to me about it because I feel like I have been snubbed after all this. I am willing to commit to a relationship with her despite the distance. I don't want to go through this whole break and have us be back at classes for her to tell me after all of this that she made a mistake and that we should have hung out and see what would have happened during winter break because I don't want to hear it. I have been stood up three times and can't take a fourth.

I know she sometimes reads these, which is fine because if she does, she knows how I fully feel and that I do see her online but I don't talk to her because of this. I don't want to be a jerk to her and this is as far as I want to go because I don't think I would hold back from how I feel if I was to talk to her directly. If she wants to hang out before break was over and see where it would go, as originally planned about a month before this whole ordeal, then I will be glad to accept.